Each year a new set of resolutions. Am I going to make or break them? It's hard to say but it will be fun being honest about the wins and losses.


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Wednesday, February 11, 2015

What?! I'm codependent?!

I had quite a shock the other day when I met with Tracy Medd, the Christian Ed Pastor at my church. We were just visiting and I was explaining to her how the past year had gone for me. 2014 was an overall good year. I was able to meet many of my goals, including financial, physical and spiritual. But it was the spiritual goals that we were discussing most. In the last year I had completed the Beth Moore study, "Breaking Free".  That study single handedly changed the direction of my life.  In past articles I've discussed how my hope needs to be found in God, how I get upset when my relationships with people don't translate etc. etc.  The Breaking Free devotional helped me to realize that I can't please everyone, that not everyone will like me and that's ok. That I can't fix everyone and that my need to, to make myself feel better was really selfish.  That truly my hope does need to be found in Christ. BUT I was never able to give a word to that definition. A word that defined what it was exactly that I was breaking free from. As I was sharing this with Tracy, she walked over to her computer and pulled up her devotional for the day. The devotional was talking about why at times we need to listen to the voice of God and be careful about what the intent of others may be. This was the line that she read to me. "You are not responsible for others happiness. Your need to 'fix' others in order to feel good about yourself is called co-dependency..."  It hit me like a ton of bricks. There is my word. That was what I was 'breaking free' from.  I've heard many definitions of codependency, but never this one. I'm codependent! Well, 'breaking free' from codependency.  But I've found that this will be something that I will need to continue to work on. To make sure that I don't fall back to that which is so natural to me.  Codependency isn't genuine, its selfish. To think I could 'fix' someone anyway, is absurd. It brings me to my first of goal of 2015.
1. Be genuine
How? I've been told goals need to be quantified and measurable. This one is hard to measure but I know it starts with relationships.  I want to build relationships with those that are in my life. To be a true friend and encourager to those that God has placed in my life.  Meet a few new people, get to know acquaintances that can become friends, to reach out to those that are feeling lost and lonely. To those of you that are already my great friends, I plan to work on becoming a more genuine, selfless friend.  And lastly I need to say something about social media. Those of you that know me, know that I love it. I'm on it. Twitter, Blogger, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. In fact I love the fact that Facebook connects you to people you would never talk to in a million years, Lets face it, pen pals never lasted. And to be honest if it wasn't for blogger, I'd be posting this on a bulletin board where nobody would read it.  I'm not tearing it down. I love it. But what it is not, is genuine. I find myself getting wrapped up in who likes my posts, what everyone else is doing, who doesn't like what I'm saying, how many people are following me versus how many people I follow.  It can be an untrue representation of what is really going on in peoples lives. A persons value is not based on followers, likes, and posts. In fact you can spend an eternity on it and never really have a true friend. So when I find myself getting too wrapped up, I'm going to take some needed breaks.  I'm going to actually reach out to a body and not a profile.  I find myself much happier when I do this. Here is video, that my good friend Tiffany Thompson showed at a youth retreat not so long ago.